So...I feel this might be a perfect place to start a blog. I hadn't intended to start a blog, mind - I'd become so distracted by All Of The Different Opinions On What I Should Do.
Podcast!
Podcast but with transcripts!
I hate listening, I just want to watch!
YouTube!
Ok YouTube but with a newsletter!
Newsletter but with audio!
Oh. My. God.
I cannot please everyone.
But what I CAN do, is share my Life Letters - my literal letters based on real life with ADHD - in a structured thought process which works well for me.
And that's basically no structure at all, because my life has very little structure ...in the eyes of a neurotypical, perhaps.
Whatever. I'm writing my thoughts, and I have a LOT of thoughts, and for the longest time EVER, I've wanted - needed - a place to put all those thoughts down, share them with the world, and hope that they help someone else running this ADHD life race.
Over on my instagram account(s), I had a heckin' huge revelation this week. (Actually...it was probably last week whilst I was selling my Love Me, Love My ADHD course.) I originally had my @cosmicgirlie instagram account, an account I've had and loved for years. It was my first ever account, and there's a butt-ton of my history on there. Occasional personal posts, LOADS of cello posts, some photography posts from waaaaayy back in the day.
In trying to keep in line with my coaching business - a business which has been silently growing for about 15 years, I might add - I created another instagram account, relating solely to coaching.
The second I created it, I hated it.
I felt like I'd removed a limb, and was trying to utilise it away from the rest of my body. It just didn't make any sense.
I posted on there...but felt anxious about "posting too much". I followed people on there, but worried about "following the right brands". I started growing it pretty quickly, but recognised I was just attracting endless messages from other coaches, trying to sell me their "strategies".
(I get it, coaches. You want clients, and you want to grow your business. But how about warming me up first, before you hit me with your clearly rehearsed marketing spiel?)
(Know. Your. Target. Market.)
Whilst I was creating the sales page for my course, I realised that I was struggling to create it, because I...I literally couldn't remember what my own online voice sounded like. I was awash with sales pitches, marketing strategies, and business growth models.
This bothered me a LOT, because I've always been so proud of using my own voice. But, I also know how easy it is for me to lose my own voice.
ADHD (and possibly my autism) causes me to be a chameleon. We're not that great at social cues, so we spend a LOT of time looking at and watching other people, trying to understand how we're "supposed" to be behave. We know there are boundaries, but we don't always see those boundaries. We know there are social interactions, but we often miss the cues.
And because we KNOW this, we also spend time subconsciously trying to RECTIFY this.
And I do it by becoming a chameleon. Or as one friend put it, many years before my diagnosis, "a social colour-changing butterfly".
It's so easy for me to literally lose sense of myself, if I spend a lot of time around other people who aren't even similar to me. So, dropped tits-deep into a world of hardcore online sales and business growth, the authentic and organic Jay I had worked so hard to nurture, nearly disappeared in the blink of an eye.
(For the record, I love my course sales page, it looks pretty and some of the copy is really cool. But I also dislike it; it's not entirely my language, and I'm wary about incorporating my own "sales" voice. Especially if I want to be "successful".)
So...I ditched it.
I ditched the instagram account.
Yup...amassed a stonking 130+ followers in a couple of weeks...and now I'm just going to leave it. I can't even decide if I want to go back to it and "officially shut it down" (I probably should, right? In the name of "professionalism", and all?). But since "going back" to @cosmicgirlie, returning to using my own voice in a space which means I can show up as my authentic self, is wildly reassuring.
The point is...
As an ADHD life coach (and a bloody amazing one at that, as my clients repeatedly tell me thank you very much), I need to have something I can demonstrate to those clients. I want to show up and literally prove my word. If I were on the lookout for another coach, I would want to see them doing the things that I want to do. I want to see proof that what I'm seeking, is perfectly attainable.
I've dropped a MILLION masks over the last 12 months, and my days has it been INCREDIBLY freeing. I tick and stim in public, I say what's on my mind (whilst still being respectful!), I ignore what doesn't ignite my soul, and I grow things which give me life.
I show up being the person I want to be. Being the person I feel that I actually am.
I have my boundaries in place to protect myself, and I come armed with buckets of respect.
But lawd...returning back to the less-confusing world which I understand? Without trying to take on the confusing practices of the world around me? Recognising who I am, what I do?
Knowing, with reasonable security, what my presence looks and sounds like, by just being me? That's awesome.
